


we should just kiss (like real people do)

by bulletsandbutterflies (turningpages)



Series: been waiting a hundred years (and I'd wait a million more) [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Bottom Steve Rogers, Coming Untouched, Crying During Sex, First Time, Language Kink, Love Confessions, M/M, Maybe a smidge of plot, Mutual Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Civil War (Marvel), Rimming, Top Bucky Barnes, this is me ignoring Infinity War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-19 19:53:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turningpages/pseuds/bulletsandbutterflies
Summary: “Like I said, I don’t know if I’m worth all this,” Bucky adds softly, and Steve had thought his heart couldn’t break any more than it already has, but it does. It shatters.“Then you know wrong, Buck,” Steve murmurs, the closest thing he’s ever said to the God-honest truth.The night before Bucky is cryogenically frozen, Steve finds himself standing in front of Bucky’s door.





	we should just kiss (like real people do)

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Civil War again and I just want this scene to be true.
> 
> Title taken from "Like Real People Do" by Hozier.

The night before Bucky is cryogenically frozen, Steve finds himself standing in front of Bucky’s door.

He had spent the whole journey to Wakanda persuading himself to leave Bucky alone, and he had almost talked himself out of the idea after T’Challa escorted them to the adjoining chambers that they’d be occupying. Bucky had given Steve a tired smile before slipping quietly into one of the rooms, closing the door behind him without a glance back, and Steve realised that even though every damn fibre of his being wanted to make sure that Bucky was okay (and if he were being completely honest, to reassure himself that Bucky is here with him — here and alive) he should give Bucky the space he most likely needed.

But contrary to popular belief, Steve has never been particularly good at following orders — ironic really, seeing as he was supposed to be the paragon of military obedience. And he’s especially terrible at following orders that he gives himself.

So this is why, after almost an hour of attempting and failing to distract himself — he had done 300 push-ups, taken a shower, stared out the floor-length windows in his room to gape at the sprawling skyline of Wakanda (he’s still amazed at how the country had kept its secret for so long), and spent a considerable amount of time pacing (the area of the carpet he was trampling on had probably sunk in) — Steve is knocking on Bucky’s door.

There’s a pause that seems to stretch forever, and it’s so quiet that Steve can hear his heart pounding in his ears. Just before Steve decides between knocking again and shuffling back to his room in defeat, he hears a scuffling behind the door and it opens to reveal a battered (Tony had done a number on them), but clean-looking Bucky…

…who looks at him for a second, the surprise etched clearly on his face, before he utters, “Steve?”

And Steve is so distracted by the sound of Bucky calling out his name — memories of freezing nights huddled together in a too-small bed come crashing to his mind like a wave to the shore — that he can only respond with a lame, “Um, hi.”

“Uh, hi?” Bucky repeats, utterly bewildered. His pale eyes widen a fraction more. “Are you okay?”

“No—I mean, yes! I’m fine.” But this does the exact opposite of assuring Bucky that everything is alright because Steve sees the way Bucky tenses every so slightly, the way Bucky’s mouth curls into a frown. Steve winces and tries again. “Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to—” 

_(make sure you’re okay, fall asleep to the sound your heart beat, wrap my arms around you so I know you’re safe)_

“—see how you’re holding up.”

Bucky relaxes a bit, and he offers Steve a small smile. “Could be better, but I’m doing okay.”

“Oh, that’s great,” Steve says, a bit too enthusiastically, trying to muster a warm smile in return.

There’s another bout of silence, and Steve’s brain is going a mile a minute, desperately trying to find ways to keep the conversation going. But Bucky saves him by asking, “Do you want to come in?”

And although Steve hears the slight hesitance in Bucky’s tone, he can’t help but be selfish and say, “Yeah, that’d be—I’d like that,” biting back a sigh of relief as Bucky opens the door wider and lets him in.

“I hope I didn’t wake you or anything,” Steve says once they’re inside. He stands awkwardly by the door, unsure of where to go. Bucky had crossed the room to the window, his only arm resting on the glass. He looks almost like the old Bucky, dressed in jeans and a white undershirt, except for the fact that Steve can clearly see the metal stump, the only thing that remains of Bucky's left arm. Rage fills him at the thought of Hydra men picking Bucky apart. 

“I don’t think I’m sleeping tonight anyways,” Bucky admits, staring out at blinking lights of the city. “Will be under for God knows how long, so I figured I might as well enjoy being awake.”

He says this wistfully, and Steve feels a dull ache in his chest. He tries to find the right words to say, but he finds himself coming short. 

“Steve, I wanted to—” Bucky starts, turning around so that Steve can see guilt and pain marring his features. Bucky runs his hand through his hair, eyes darting to the floor. “I’m really sorry for what I put you through — wrecking your friendship with Howard’s kid, putting your friends in danger.”

“Buck, there’s nothing to apologise for,” Steve argues as he strides over to his best friend (his whole world). He reaches out to place a comforting hand on Bucky’s shoulder, but Bucky pulls away from his grasp.

“I’m ruining your life,” he seethes, leaving Steve speechless at the sudden outburst. He’s thrumming with so much fury that Steve would have been afraid if he hadn’t known that all that hatred wasn’t directed at him. “You were doing just fine until I came back. You should’ve left me. You should’ve let him kill me!”

And Steve wishes Bucky knew just how wrong he was. He wants Bucky to understand that Steve wouldn’t — _couldn’t_ — have a life without him. Not again.

“Like I said, I don’t know if I’m worth all this,” Bucky adds softly, the anger leaching out of his body as he seems to crumple onto the bed. Steve had thought his heart couldn’t break any more than it already has, but it does. It shatters.

“Then you know wrong, Buck,” Steve murmurs, the closest thing he’s ever said to the God-honest truth. He settles himself on the other side of the bed, and Bucky looks at him then. There’s an emotion in his eyes that Steve can’t decipher because it flickers away just as quickly as it appeared. But Bucky keeps his intense gaze on Steve, and feeling like he’s being dissected, Steve blurts out, “You know you don’t have to do this. You’d be safe enough here to stay awake.”

_To stay with me_ , Steve adds mentally, and he briefly entertains the idea of spending the rest of his life in this sanctuary with Bucky. Finding a home at the edge of the city, waking up next to Bucky every morning.

Finally growing old together.

“I—I can’t trust myself right now, not with all the shit they’ve jammed into my mind. After what Zemo did, I can’t risk anyone else using those trigger words again, using me again.”

Steve nods, and although he wishes there was another way, he understands — knows it must be killing Bucky, someone who would have never dreamed of hurting an innocent life, to be turned into a killing machine.

Bucky leans back against the headboard and sighs. “It’s like there are two people inside me. There’s me, there’s Bucky, and when I’m Bucky I remember everything. I remember our lives in Brooklyn — see your mom making us apple pie, see you grinning at me with a split lip after you’ve taken a punch. Christ, you’ve always been such an idiot, picking fights with guys twice your size. Not that anything’s changed now that you’re twice their size; you’re taking on gods and governments and fancy-ass men in high-tech suits instead.”

Bucky’s grinning now, that cocky, full-teethed grin that used to make all the girls swoon, that made Steve’s heart pound faster in his chest. And he looks so much like the old Bucky, the Bucky that Steve loved silently from the moment he knew what that word meant, that Steve isn’t surprised when he feels tears catching on his lashes. But then Bucky expression sobers, and for a split second, Steve sees the blank mask of the Winter Soldier.

“But sometimes—sometimes I feel and I think like _him_ ,” Bucky continues, and his voice breaks. “I look at you and all I can see is my mission, a mission that I failed. And God, that—that scares me, Steve. It scares me that there’s always a chance he might take over and I might hurt you one day. And after what he—what I did to you on that bridge. I can barely live with myself for what I could have done.”

And Steve sees that emotion again, only this time he sees it clearer, and he struggles not to gasp at the realisation, the hope that he could have what he always longed for.

“You pulled me from the river,” he starts, and Bucky stills, like a prey that’s been caught in a trap. But Steve presses on because he has to know, needs to know. “You saved me even though you were still drugged—still him. Why?”

Bucky glances away — fists clenched, mouth set in a grim line.

“Please, Buck,” Steve pleads. “I gotta know.”

And somehow that works because Bucky’s shoulders slump in defeat and he closes his eyes as he says, “Because I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

Someone lets out a pained noise, and Steve only realises that it came from him when he feels tears trailing down his face.

(Because he’s thinking about all the times he’d wished for Bucky to say those words to him. When Bucky taught him to dance that one night they were sixteen, Bucky’s warm hands on his hips as they swayed to the neighbour’s radio. When Bucky had taken care of him — feeding him broth made out of stolen vegetables, wiping the sweat from his brow as his fever drove him delirious — that one month his chest seized up so bad he’d thought he’d die. When Bucky had slipped into his bed during the war, after Steve had found him at that Hydra’s base, moulding himself against Steve’s body like he used to when they were in Brooklyn (and despite the fact that Steve was bigger than him then they had still _fit_ so seamlessly).)

“Look Steve, I know you don’t feel that way about me—” Bucky stammers, bringing Steve back to the present. “— so this doesn’t have to change anything between us.”

He begins moving off the bed, but Steve takes a hold of his wrist to keep him in place. Bucky stares at him, distraught, and Steve’s heart feels so full he can barely think.

“When I lost you…when you fell from that train—“ and Steve can’t finish his sentence right away, not with the lump in his throat choking him as he struggles to keep his voice level. But he tries anyways, and when he’s mustered all the courage he has, adrenaline coursing through his veins, he finally says, “Bucky, when I lost you, I lost the reason to keep on breathing.”

And there it was. The God-honest truth, which is that without Bucky, Steve is nothing. Without Bucky, Steve could never live, not truly.

“But I thought...," Bucky starts, confused. "...you and Peggy.”

“I loved Peggy,” Steve says because there’s no point in lying — Peggy had been his best girl. “But hell, Buck, if I’d known how you felt, there would’ve never been a choice.”

He watches the comprehension dawn on Bucky’s face, watches as Bucky gives him a smile so blinding, so overjoyed, that he can only laugh and pull Bucky close.

Steve’s imagined their first kiss many times before, but none of his fantasies ever came close to the way Bucky licks his way into Steve’s mouth, the feel of Bucky biting on his lower lip. When Bucky pushes him down on the bed, placing himself between Steve’s spread legs and pressing his thigh against Steve’s straining cock, Steve whimpers with need.

“All that time,” Bucky murmurs before pressing open-mouthed kisses on Steve’s jaw, Steve’s neck. “I wish I’d known.”

“We have time now,” he counters, and Bucky is kissing him again, hot and filthy. Once he pulls their shirts off, he takes one of Steve's nipples in his mouth and sucks, grinding their erections together until Steve is an incoherent mess.

“Can I?” Bucky asks, sitting back on his heels as his hand hovers over Steve’s waistband. Steve nods, and Bucky makes quick work of getting Steve fully undressed. Steve cries out, throwing an arm over his eyes, shuddering with pleasure as Bucky works his cock hard but slow with a calloused hand. When Bucky pulls his arm down (“Wanna see you, baby.”), Steve clenches the sheets in his fists instead, trying desperately not to lose it too quickly.

Because he wants more. God, he wants so much more. “Buck, I need—“

“Yeah, Stevie, anything you want,” Bucky coos, twisting his hand on an upward stroke, which punches a hoarse shout out of Steve.

Steve can’t speak for a moment, mind hazy with desire. But then Bucky slows his hand and says, “C’mon, baby doll, tell me what you want.”

“Fuck me,” Steve gasps, bucking his hips in an effort to get more friction. “Please Buck.”

Bucky stops touching him completely, looking down at him with pale eyes that are brighter than Steve ever recalls them to be. “God, baby, are you sure?”

“Y—yes! Please.”

Bucky presses a quick kiss on Steve’s lips and detangles himself from Steve’s grasp, disappearing into the bathroom for a moment before he’s climbing back on the bed, covering Steve’s body with his, a small bottle in his hand. He leans in for another filthy kiss, and he says, “It’d be easier if you’re on your front.”

Steve nods, rolling to lay on his stomach. He bends his knees, pushing his lower half up, and the only warning he gets is Bucky growling, “дерьмо (der'mo),” before he feels Bucky’s wet tongue pressing against his entrance. 

He arches at sensation, keening as Bucky laves his tongue over the rim. But when Bucky spreads his ass with his hands and buries his tongue into his hole, Steve all but shouts, “Oh, f—fuck!”, writhing on the mattress as Bucky alternates between licking his entrance and fucking Steve with his tongue. He’s making so much noise that he has to bite the pillow to muffle the sounds, but a strangled moan escapes him when Bucky pushes a slick finger into him, almost immediately finding his prostate. The white-hot pleasure shoots from his spine all the way to his toes, hitting him like a freight train.

By the time Bucky has three fingers in him, Steve is pushing back against Bucky’s hand, cock leaking pre-cum steadily on the sheets, as he cries out Bucky’s name over and over again.

“God, Stevie, you’re gorgeous like this,” Bucky murmurs almost reverently, sounding just as wrecked as Steve feels.

“Please, Buck, need you in me,” he begs, although he regrets it immediately because Bucky takes his fingers out of him slowly, leaving him feeling empty. But then Steve rolls over just in time to see Bucky unbuttoning his jeans, revealing Bucky’s gorgeous cock, thick and hard and heavy, and he’s panting at the thought of being stretched full by it. “Fuck, wanna ride you.”

“God, yes.” Bucky breathes out, taking his pants off quickly before he leans against the headboard again, pulling at Steve’s wrist until Steve is settled on his lap. Steve takes the bottle of lotion, squirting some onto his hands, and when he starts slicking Bucky up, Bucky makes a sound like he’s been shot.

“Fuck, Steve, you’re killing me,” he growls, swatting Steve’s hand away and crashing their mouths together as Steve leans back to hold Bucky in place. Bucky guides Steve down on his cock, his hand gripping Steve’s waist hard enough to bruise, and Steve sinks down slowly, taking Bucky inch by inch, chest heaving from the effort.

Because Bucky is thick, and Steve is wondering how he is ever going to take all of Bucky when Bucky closes his eyes, throws his head back and lets out a low groan, making Steve thrum with _want_ and _need_. He spreads his legs wider so that he can impale himself fully on Bucky’s cock in one go, making them both cry out, scrunching his eyes shut and quivering slightly from the burn. Bucky is whispering, “You’re doing so good, Stevie. So good for me," rubbing his hand all over Steve's back, and Steve forces his breathing to steady as he adjusts to the girth.

He starts rocking himself on Bucky’s cock, getting used to the sensation of Bucky sliding in and out of him, hard and slick. The pain melts quickly into pure ecstasy, and he grinds down faster, mouth hanging open as he pants at the feeling.

“Oh God, Bucky,” he keens when he finds his prostate, cradling Bucky’s face in his hands and leaning down to rest their foreheads together. Bucky starts to roll his hips forward, pushing himself deeper into Steve, and Steve is gone — lost in the overwhelming pleasure.

“Used to think of doing this every night,” Bucky murmurs, nosing along Steve’s jaw, nipping at his skin gently. “All those times you were pressed against me, I just wanted to slip into you—fuck you until you came apart beneath me.”

“Would’ve let you,” Steve sobs, eyes wet as he thinks about all those years they’ve missed. His heart aches. “Would’ve given you anything.”

“Ssh, none of that, baby doll.” Bucky leans in, kissing his tears away. “We’re here now. I’ve got you now.”

They rock against each other in a slow rhythm — Steve relishing the soft grunts coming from Bucky, the look of absolute bliss on Bucky’s face. Then, Bucky wraps his right arm around Steve’s waist to bend Steve towards his chest, holding him in place as he pounds into Steve hard and fast, hitting Steve’s prostate every time.

Steve thrashes on Bucky’s cock, wailing at the onslaught of pleasure that washes over him. It feels so good being pinned down against Bucky’s chest, being forced to just take his cock, and Steve is so close to coming that it hurts.

“You feel so good,” Bucky pants against his neck, and Steve whines high and needy. “любовь моя. так хорошо.”

His orgasm hits him so suddenly that Steve is only distantly aware of him screaming Bucky’s name, back arched so taut as he comes untouched, spurting hot and wet between them. Bucky swears and fucks him through the aftershocks, prolonging his pleasure until Steve is gulping for air, his body jerking weakly.

“я люблю тебя,” Bucky gasps below him, his thrusts becoming more erratic and desperate. “God, Steve, I'm going to—”

“C’mon Buck, wanna feel you come in me,” Steve urges, and Bucky’s hips jerk only a couple of more times before he’s spilling into Steve with a moan.

Steve collapses on Bucky’s chest, sated and drained, burying his face on the crook of Bucky’s neck. He can feel Bucky’s heart pounding in his chest, hear him breathing heavily from the exertion, and Steve is so inexplicably happy that he’s afraid he would suddenly wake up and find out that this was all a dream. That Bucky is still lost in those mountains. That Steve had still failed him.

“You’re thinking too loudly,” Bucky says, planting a gentle kiss on Steve’s forehead before pushing him off gently to roll out of the bed. Steve makes an unhappy noise, and Bucky chuckles. “Have to clean us up or we’ll regret it later.”

After he’s wiped them off with a wet cloth, he rests his head on Steve’s chest, throwing his arm around his waist. 

Steve’s running his hand absent-mindedly through Bucky’s hair when he says, “So you’re saying that even after I defied the United Nations, broke up the Avengers, and gave up my shield for you, you still didn’t know that I love you.”

“Punk, you were the one telling everyone that you did all that because I was your friend!" Bucky exclaims incredulously. Don’t blame me for your mixed signals!”

“You’re one to talk about mixed signals! How about all those dames you picked up?”

“Well, I guess we’re even, then." Bucky laughs, and Steve can feel Bucky smiling against his skin. "I guess I'll just have to make it up to you."

Steve snickers, but he becomes solemn when he remembers what's happening in the morning. “Are you sure you don't wanna stay awake, Buck?”

“Gotta admit I’m rethinking it now," Bucky sighs. "But you’re not safe with me until they’ve figured out what those bastards did to me.”

“I know why you wanna do it. It's just—I just got you back."

“You’re not getting all soft on me now are you?” Bucky teases, but his arm tightens, and Steve knows Bucky’s thinking the same thing.

He doesn’t want them to linger on sad thoughts though, not when their time is limited, so he snorts, “Shut up, jerk.”

“Punk!” Bucky snickers, pinching his side in retaliation.

They lay their in silence for awhile, and Steve is just beginning to think that Bucky's fallen asleep. But Bucky asks, “You’ll be there? When I wake up?” 

“I'll be the first face you’ll see, Buck,” Steve promises, pushing Bucky down on the sheets and rolling on top of him, and he knows full well that he would have no trouble fulfilling that vow.

***

He walks Bucky to the chamber the next morning. Bucky wraps his arm around Steve’s waist, pulling him into an embrace, and Steve tries as hard as he can to memorise the feeling, knowing that it might be awhile before he could have Bucky in his arms again.

“You’ll be here?” Bucky whispers when he pulls back, and Steve never thought he could be more in love with his best friend, but he falls and falls and falls.

“First face, remember?” Steve reminds him, and when Bucky kisses him it’s both a goodbye and a promise.

“See you again soon, душа моя,” he says with a smile, and Steve returns it with one of his own.

_Because this time_ , he thinks as he watches Bucky going under, as Bucky is taken from him all over again. _It’s not forever_.

**Author's Note:**

> Translation for the Russian words (I took this from Google Translate since I don't actually speak Russian (although I wish I could!) so if I'm wrong please let me know!):
> 
> дерьмо (der'mo) - shit  
> любовь моя (lyubov' moya) - my love  
> так хорошо (tak khorosho) - so good  
> я люблю тебя (ya lyublyu tebya) - I love you  
> душа моя (dusha moya) - my soul
> 
>  
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated :) HMU If you're reeling over the ending of IW or just wanna fangirl over Stucky (because God I love this pairing)!


End file.
